She is a fitness fanatic, a go-getter, a doer. I resenate with the go-getter attitude. I have the "I got this" complex. Need something done for you? I'm on it. Think it's too much for me? Never. I got this. What I learned this weekend is my "I got this" complex hinders Jesus to work fully in me. Instead of laying myself at his feet, I lay there for a minute, and get right back up.
I am exhausted on so many levels, but I never realized that my soul was exhausted. I never even thought about my soul. I knew my relationship were suffering, but I never connected those relationships to not resting in Christ. Sure, we have all heard Matthew 11:28 before, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest..." but it never really hit me until this weekend. During a song, one I have sung probably a hundred times, I lost it. I had to walk out of the room. I found myself alone, sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. It was in that moment I felt Jesus stronger than I have in a while. He was breaking the chains, freeing me from the pain and hurt, physically shaking the crap out. A few people found me, and prayed for me. He finally calmed my soul and in that moment I knew he was going to begin to restore me to Him. "The thief approaches with malicious intent, looking to steal, slaughter, and destroy; I came to give life with joy and abundance." John 10:10. Satan has many tactics to steal us - discontentment, loneliness, weariness, unanswered prayers, and our past. He finds us when we are not strong and draws us in. He reminds us we are less than, we are not as good as, and you will never be. We need to remember that our journey is ours, uniquely ours. Comparing ourselves to others only causes heartache for ourselves. My restoration will never line up with someone else's timetable. What Satan uses as brokenness, Jesus uses it for His glory. Satan wants to keep us broken but Jesus won't allow that!! (I LOVE THAT!!) Restoration will take time, but I believe that I am a new creation in him. Restored and mended.
When we looked at what restoration looked like for us, we drew a mug, then shattered the mug. We wrote down things that were shattered. This one just flowed out of me. I didn't like that I was broken in so many areas, but I knew that this retreat was designed to "dig deep" as Kristi put it. The cool thing about this shattered part, was the way in which Jesus restores us. Ah...I loved this part. God's job is to restore us, our job is to let him. (This poses difficult for me the "Doer"). So as we looked at restoration here were some thoughts that were given to us:
Original cup (Before brokenness) ---> shattered cup (broken) ---> choices (choose life, choose to mend, choose wholeness.) ---> New cup (restored) ---> What does Jesus say about this cup? What does He say I am? ---> Restored brokenness ---> What would it look like to me? How would I feel? How would I function? ----> (Insert personal answers here.)
I was really touched by this imagery. To think that Jesus wanted to restore me fully to Him, was breathtaking.
I loved the renewal session almost as much as the restoration. Renew = to start again after an interruption. I loved the question, "How can you fully live the beautiful life God created for you?" By allowing the only filter to be Jesus, not anyone or anything else, simply his filter. It's never what I do that counts, it's what I become that counts. To live in the presence of God the heart must be EMPTY of all other things, because God will only possess the heart alone and as he cannot posses it alone without emptying it nor can he act there and do it in what He pleases unless it be left vacant to Him. So how do I pursue the beautiful life God has given me? Who do I want to be in Christ? What makes your life beautfiul to yourself?
This video was shared, and I feel like it really fits what this retreat was about...
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